August huh? Summer’s end is near and I don’t even remember July, let alone June… but I guess that’s just the consequences of me dissociating from the world. In the past couple of months-, no. In these recent years, I’ve pushed and I’ve pushed. I mean I always did, but it was never active and never with a set purpose in my mind. I guess… most of my life, push has always been used defensively, whether to avoid the pain of loss or just plain old habits. What was that old proverb again? Goes something like… “better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.” I get it now. Maybe not before, but I guess that’s because I’ve never used push as a preemptive strike, but always a reactionary defense. Knowledge does come at a price, but like she always said, “pain is pleasure” and I’ve learned to love the pain. Maybe a bit too much, but I was already prepared for any consequences or any unexpected side effects of this chapter. “Push”. That’s the name that I give this chapter, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t decide on that name until the chapter closed its last page. It’s short, but it’s fitting, one word is all that’s needed to explain these last 2 years. But a chapter has to end eventually, right? Gotta keep moving forward, reflect but never dwell. The scales have tipped to one side and it’s time to start a new chapter so I can balance it all out again, just like I’ve done countless of times before. I guess that’s always been my style, hyper tunnel vision until I slam into a wall, but it’s what I know and that’s just how Q rolls. Flippey floppey, wishey washey, uppey downey, inney outey, I dub this chapter, “the ballad of me & i”, and I’ll tell myself why, after the fact it’s done and over with haha. I always did love a good surprise.