people come and people go, that’s just how it goes… that I already know. “People come and go, it’s all the same” that’s what I’ve always told people my entire life, and that line has many meanings to me, but that’s another topic for another day… I didn’t know you long, I told myself it shouldn’t affect me this way, it shouldn’t be as painful as what I felt and feel right now, but still nothing changes even after reaffirming it to myself. I couldn’t overwrite it this time… how I felt that is. I guess I was meant to feel it fully through the whole way.. I just wished you given me a chance to give it my all, I just wished i had closure, but I know I’m not entitled to a single thing, not your time or love nor attention… but still I wished you had given me a choice in any of this. just a chance to be able to decide in how this all played out. I felt so powerless, and that’s something I’ve tried so fucking hard to avoid my entire life. I ceaselessly struggled day in and day out to make progress as a person, I dedicated so much and sacrificed so much to be where I am, to be who I am.. and I know you said you said that you were the problem and not me, but I still can’t help but feel like I was not enough. I’m so afraid of knowing or one day finding out that everything I did, was for nothing. It was all in vain. So I guess because of that, I unintentionally threw away the ability to grieve… I had forgotten how to cry and just grieve these past several months… but today is that day, the day I put 120% effort to let it all out, and just let my heart express how it feels… because you really did mean so much to me even just from that small amount of time. the way your eyes would roll and your lips would frown every time I said “I love you” to you right before we went back to our lives. as if you didn’t fully believe me when I tried to express how much you mattered to me, but still you would pick up the next time I called, knowing I would end that call, saying the same line that you always roll your eyes to. I meant it, wholeheartedly. I’m just glad I was able to say it and express my feelings for you before you chose to leave… but I can’t keep holding onto something I know, is no longer there. Your hand is no longer there for me to reach out to… so today’s the day, the day I let go… so this is me letting go… today, I stayed inside and I cried, and cried, and cried…
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